A Cheerful Giver

As I look over the day's calendar filled with business meetings and phone calls, dirty dishes and laundry, commitments and promises, there is no end to my "To Do" list. As my eyes begin to glaze over, my oldest son comes running in. "Mom, remember to pick me up after driver's training today - about 4:30." "Mom" my youngest son yells. "Can Ryan come over after school today? I haven't had anyone over all week." Before the answers to these questions can pass through my lips, the phones rings.

"Hello." "Mom, I've got a problem..." My grown daughter urgently waits on the other end of the line. Shoving dirty dishes aside, I sit down at the table, waiting to hear the rest of her quandary.

Just another normal morning in my household. In fact, it's a normal morning in many busy homes, but our home is different because in the midst of this I wage another daily battle, because my husband has Lyme disease.

I am a caregiver. I give care to many people - my children, my husband, church, business, the Lyme Alliance, school. My life abounds with opportunities for giving, but often I focus on giving because it is the right thing to do. It's necessary, it has to be done, so I do it.

And, sometimes I get tired. And sometimes I get angry, too. Sometimes I just don't want to do it anymore. But I love my husband and family so much.

I don't know how some people do it. Some people take all these responsibilities, especially compounded when your spouse is critically ill, and they can give and give and give.., with a smile on their face and genuine love in their heart.

And, never a single complaint crosses their lips.

A martyr, a saint, Mother Theresa's twin sister,....and then there's me.

I want to give. I have the heart to give, but the responsibility of having to give all of the time becomes a burden.

* "Honey, bring me my pills,"(I just sat down to rest.)
* "Go down and get the newspaper for me before you leave." (I'm already 20 minutes late.)
* "Tonight's shot night. Are you ready to give me my shot now?" (During the last ten minutes of a movie I'm watching.)
"Oh, did I wake you up?" (As he gets up for the fifth time that night)

There was a tune when I walked around with a big sack on my back labeled "Responsibilities". Every time my husband had a need and asked for my help with it, I felt a BIG brick fall in that sack, I endeavored to help fulfill his need, but I grumbled under my breath all the way. My emotions were on a permanent slow boil. Just when I got comfortable underneath that load of bricks on my back, another would drop into the sack and, well... here we go again.

Like the day my husband announced he wasn't strong enough to take out the garbage anymore. Instead of considering how he must feel at this moment, I stood in the middle of the kitchen (feeling very sorry for myself) and yelled, "That's all right. I'lllll doooo itttttttt!!! Please let me. I do EVERYTHING else anyway. I can do that, too!" That brick fell heavy in my sack.

A vicious circle was established. I gave because it was necessary. It had to be done, so I did it because I am a responsible person. As the load grew more and more every day, I responded negatively to the increasing pressure. The more I gave, the more always needed to be done, and the more angry I got from all the responsibilities. "Little Miss Responsible", that was me!

The problem was large, and I needed an answer to it before that sack of bricks broke my back and my spirit. I found the answer one day during my Bible study time in 2 Corinthians 9:7-8 "So, let each one give as he purposes in his heart, not grudgingly or of necessity, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to make all grace abound toward you, that you, always having all sufficiency in all things, may have an abundance for every good work."

My focus was on giving because it was necessary. But, was I really following God's rules about giving? The Bible says "God loves a cheerful giver"

Be a cheerful giver. The word 'cheerful' used in this passage is the same English word for "hilarious". It means to be joyfully ready to give, the spirit of enjoyment that sweeps away all restraints.

Can you image your spouse's response if you came into the living room flipping somersaults at the chance to wait on him. My husband would probably think I was losing touch with reality if I did that. Maybe that would be overdoing it, but I can choose to give with a smile on my face and expectations in my heart.

It is difficult to be cheerful all the time about giving. Sometimes, I'd rather be a care "receiver" than a care "giver". And sometimes necessity overtakes the cheerful desire to serve. But God instructs to first "purpose in your heart" to be a giver, and then give according to that purpose. First of all, I must decide that I will be a giver to my spouse and what I am willing to give. Then as I give with that purpose already established, I can be willing and cheerful about it.

But, what about those moments when it is necessary to give more than you decided to and you have to give whether you want to or not. Is it possible to give willingly and out of necessity at the same time? When you have an ill spouse, there is a lot of necessity in your daily actions. Much of what I do is immediately necessary, but I can choose at those moments not to do these things grudgingly just because I have to do them. I can be a willing caregiver if I focus on it one day at a time. It is only possible when I decide TODAY to give as if I am doing it to God - not seeking appreciation for it, but because the love of God is in my heart.

And, this instruction comes with a promise: "And God is able (I like that part) to make all grace abound toward you (ALL grace…. EVERY favor, and earthly blessing come to you in ABUNDANCE) that you having ALL sufficiency in ALL things (notice the word ALL used twice in that phrase) may have an abundance for EVERY good work." (Not just some, but EVERY one.)

This promise is tied to being a cheerful giver Giving, not out of necessity or grudgingly, but out of love. When you give cheerfully, God allows all grace to abound to you so you always have more to give. You are always running on full instead of running on empty. That makes the whole thing so much easier.

I may never be mistaken for Mother Theresa's twin sister, (there's very little chance that will ever happen) but since I have learned the secret of cheerful giving, the huge sack on my back labeled RESPONSIBILITIES has shrunk to a little bitty pouch.

Responsibilities don't seem so overwhelming when grace strengthens me daily. God's grace will strengthen you, also, when you claim this promise for yourself and learn to be a cheerful giver.