Widow With A Living Husband

Twelve years ago, Maria's husband contracted Lyme disease while deer hunting in Michigan. This example shows that this disease affects not just an individual, but the whole family. After many years of medical treatment, Darryl still suffers devastating symptoms from this insidious disease.

STORY

I am a widow with a living husband. The person who was once my husband ceased to exist. He breathes, but he does not live. His body functions, but the spark that made him special, the life flame that drew me to him was extinguished by disease, by despair.

And I mourn the loss.

The dreams we once shared remain undiscovered; the desires of our joined hearts, unfulfilled. Youthful fantasies grow dusty on a distant memories shelf.

And I mourn the loss.

A sunny afternoon playing catch with their father was never recorded on the tender memories of our sons. They never stood shoulder to shoulder with him tinkering on an old car engine, swapping jokes and inane chatter. Fishing lines never floated idly on the water as they lingered in the golden rays of a setting sun.

And I mourn the loss.

My sons and I continue on, trodding through our days, refusing to acknowledge the fact that we are alone. This disease eats at our lives as surely as it eats at my husband's body

And I mourn the loss.

"Fight back" I yell. "Fight back. Don't give up!" Yet, day-by-day, his fight lessens. Not even a whimper is heard. He is resigned to nothingness. Awaiting no future. Watching motionlessly as an empty today fades into yesterday and another empty today replaces it.

And I mourn the loss.

How do I continue living when death pursues my spouse unrelentingly? "Don't give up," my spirit screams to his. "God loves you. I believe." My battle cry falls unheeded on bitter ears.

And I mourn the loss.

God, this world offers no answers, no solace, no compassion. Only indifference and pain. You are my Rock, my Fortress. I run to You and hide, for my deepest agony pursues me. My heart shatters. This burden is too much for me. No longer can this pain remain enclosed within me

As I mourn the loss.